The U.S. Department of Energy announced Oct. 20 roughly $967 million in grid grants to help lower electricity costs. The exact figure is $967,104,372. I respect a government that includes the 372 dollars. Somebody's carrying the change.
The money comes from the Grid Resilience State and Tribal Formula Grant program, created under the 2021 infrastructure law. It covers fiscal years 2025 and 2026 combined. States, territories and tribes have until Feb. 17, 2027 at 11:59 p.m. Eastern to apply.
Let me state that number plainly. Relief for a bill due this month has an application deadline 16 months out. Your power company has never once given you 16 months. It gives you 21 days and a cartoon lightbulb.
The allocations, per the Energy Department's own table. California gets $69,814,909. Texas gets about $50.3 million. Alaska gets about $32.8 million, which works out to roughly $44 per Alaskan, or about one tank of heating oil per decade.
I've audited a lot of budgets. Nobody in this one rounded down. Rounding is for people who expect to be checked.
Now the smaller line items. Hawaii gets about $5.69 million. The District of Columbia gets about $1.31 million, which is the first time D.C. has received less money than it asked for.
The arithmetic for your house. There are roughly 130 million U.S. households. Divide $967 million across them and you get about $7.44 each. Spread over one year, that's 62 cents a month.
Sixty-two cents. That doesn't lower your electric bill. That lowers the late fee on it, slightly.
And to be fair to the department, the money isn't a rebate. It funds projects to upgrade lines, prevent outages and meet growing demand. Energy Secretary Chris Wright said, "Lowering costs and unleashing prosperity are top priorities for President Trump." Priorities, yes. Paychecks, later. Grid projects deliver long-term savings. Long-term is a word accountants use for "not this winter."
Then there's the paperwork. Every state, territory and tribe has to write an application, wait for review and only then start building. It's a rebate form with a federal seal, and nobody has ever mailed one of those back on time.
Meanwhile, your bill. The Daily Caller notes the money arrives as Americans face rising electricity costs. You already know. You've watched your thermostat like it's a stock ticker. You've told your kids the hallway light is "for emergencies." You've considered whether the refrigerator really needs to be that cold.
Here's the reconciliation, line by line. Washington: $967,104,372, apply by Feb. 17, 2027. Your household: roughly 62 cents a month, eventually. Your power company: payment due Friday.
The government counted every last dollar, down to the 372. It just didn't count on you needing it before 2027.
This article is satire. The Demorat is a parody news site; real facts are drawn from the linked sources, and jokes, invented scenes, and fictional characters are not real.
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