Somewhere in Manhattan, a room full of activists just got a letter from Congress and did what every self-respecting revolutionary does when asked a simple question: they printed a protest sign.
According to Fox News, The People's Forum and BreakThrough News, groups linked to tech millionaire Neville Roy Singham's network, rejected demands from the House Ways and Means Committee, which is looking into their tax-exempt status under Chairman Jason Smith. Their response: this is a "MAGA-led witch hunt" that violates their First Amendment rights.
Tunnel Tucker has been around a lot of witch hunts in the sewers, and here's the tell. Real witches don't usually have a 501(c)(3). They don't file paperwork with the IRS. They don't have a media arm with a production budget and a lighting guy. This crew is less Salem, more "Salem, LLC."
You have to admire the commitment to the bit. These are folks who spend all year fighting capitalism, and their main legal defense is basically the tax code. Down with the system, except the part where the system lets you skip taxes. Smash the state, but please process our exemption by Friday.
And the First Amendment! Suddenly the crowd that wants to regulate every meme, flag every post, and deplatform every comedian has discovered free speech. Welcome, comrades. It's been here the whole time. It has a nice view. We call it "the thing you tried to cancel last week."
To be clear, Congress asking questions isn't a conviction. It's Congress asking questions. That's literally its whole hobby. But when someone asks "where does your money come from?" and the answer is "how DARE you, fascist," the audience at home starts to wonder. Most people answer that question at tax time with a sigh and a W-2, not a press release and a megaphone.
Tucker imagines the next meeting. Comrade One: "Congress wants our donor records." Comrade Two: "Tell them it's a witch hunt." Comrade One: "And then?" Comrade Two: "Then we march." Comrade One: "Where?" Comrade Two: "To the bank. The donation cleared."
The lesson for liberals everywhere: if you're going to run a revolution, at least keep the receipts. The patriarchy can't oppress you through an accounting spreadsheet. Probably.
Until then, the witch hunt continues, and the alleged witches are lawyering up, fundraising off it, and posting about it on platforms built by capitalists. Truly, the most oppressed people ever to have a press office.
The Demorat is satire. This article is a comedy roast based on real news reports; quotes and scenarios beyond the cited facts are invented for laughs.
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