The Supreme Court ruled Thursday that New Hampshire can stop accepting student ID cards from voters in next month's midterms. College kids are devastated. They finally found a use for the card besides the dining hall.

Here are the facts, played straight. New Hampshire passed House Bill 323 in April. Gov. Kelly Ayotte signed it. It took student IDs off the list of identification expressly accepted to get a ballot, and it took effect June 2.

Then Secretary of State David Scanlan told election officials student IDs couldn't be used even as backup evidence. A voting rights group sued. A federal district judge blocked that part of the guidance, ruling it went further than the law.

The Supreme Court stepped in and said, basically: too late, kid. Lower courts shouldn't rewrite election rules on the eve of an election. It's called the Purcell Principle. It's the legal version of your dad saying "we're not turning this car around."

Justice Ketanji Brown Jackson was the lone public dissent. She argued the lower court was just making sure the public got accurate information about the rules. Respect the hustle. She's dissenting so often now the Court should give her a punch card. Tenth dissent, free coffee.

Now let's talk about who's actually screaming.

The same people who say you need an ID to buy cold medicine. To board a plane. To pick up a package from a guy named Steve behind the counter at the UPS Store. Suddenly an ID is "voter suppression" the second it's required for the one thing that picks who runs the country.

You showed your license to rent a scooter last week. You showed it to buy a lottery ticket. You showed it to a 19-year-old bouncer who looked at it for eleven seconds like it was a Dead Sea Scroll. Nobody called that oppression. That was Thursday.

And these students aren't helpless. They're 20 years old. They can navigate a $90,000 tuition portal, three dating apps and a group chat with 400 unread messages. A driver's license is not the final boss.

Here's the uncomfortable part nobody on cable says out loud. Democrats don't love the student ID because it's the best proof of who you are. They love it because of who it belongs to. A college student is a reliable vote that hasn't paid a property tax bill yet.

Meanwhile the regular New Hampshire voter, the one who shows a license at the pharmacy, the liquor store and the town dump sticker window, just shrugs. He's been carded by the dump. He'll survive the ballot box.

So the student IDs are out, the license is in, and college kids will have to prove who they are the old-fashioned way. Not with a laminated card. With the $90,000 they owe.

This article is satire. The Demorat is a parody news site; real facts are drawn from the linked sources, and jokes, invented scenes, and fictional characters are not real.

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