Albania's prime minister has a new plan to end the protests against him. If you're standing at one when somebody else throws a rock, you owe the government $6,000. Standing still is now the most expensive thing you can do in Tirana.

I've watched a lot of leaders try to stop a crowd. This is the first one who sent it an invoice.

Here's what's real, per Al Jazeera, The Guardian, Fox News and News24. Edi Rama, leader of Albania's Socialist Party, has governed since 2013 and won a fourth term last year. Student-led protests began peacefully in May over a luxury coastal resort project in a nature reserve, then grew into a fight over corruption, jobs, schools and tuition. This month they turned violent. Government buildings and banks have been set on fire.

Rama's government approved fines of up to 500,000 lek, about $6,200, for anyone who takes part in a protest that turns violent, even if that person doesn't personally commit any violence. Al Jazeera notes that's six times Albania's average monthly salary of about $1,000.

So the price of showing up to complain about the economy is half a year of the economy.

Rama's explanation for the unrest, per Fox News, is "foreign hands who do not want Albania in the European Union." That's the classic move. You've been in charge for 13 years, the students are furious about jobs and schools, and the problem is somebody from out of town. At some point the man has to accept that after 13 years, he is the hand.

He has also offered the students something sweeter: bigger scholarship stipends and subsidized rent, plus cheaper fuel and more money for poor families. So it's a $6,000 fine for attending, plus rent help for getting home afterward. Carrot, stick, and a bus pass.

Then came Thursday. During a parliamentary vote on a new central bank law, opposition Democratic Party lawmakers blocked the podium and set off flares, filling the chamber with blue smoke. Opposition leader Sali Berisha's microphone was cut off, and four of his lawmakers were thrown out of the session. Local outlet CNA reports Rama cast his vote and left.

Think about that. The opposition brought fireworks into the building. The prime minister brought a ballot and an exit. Both sides came prepared. Neither came with a plan for unemployment.

Under Rama's own rules, by the way, everybody in that chamber was technically present at a gathering that got out of hand. Nobody has sent Parliament a bill yet.

On the sewer scale, I give Albania four rats out of five. One rat for a 13-year leader blaming foreigners. One rat for pricing a protest at six months' wages. One rat for an opposition that answered smoke in the streets with more smoke indoors. And one rat for a central bank law passed through a haze, which is how most central banks work anyway.

Another protest is planned for Saturday. Bring a friend, and bring $6,000.

And here's your bill: regular gas averaged $4.20 a gallon on Oct. 30, per AAA, up from $3.04 a year ago, and your government didn't need a protest to charge you for showing up.

This article is satire. The Demorat is a parody news site; real facts are drawn from the linked sources, and jokes, invented scenes, and fictional characters are not real.

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