Gavin Newsom has found a way to bring Hollywood back to California. All it costs is one billion dollars a year, and the only catch is that Hollywood is already in California.

On Monday, the governor proposed raising the state's film and TV tax credit from $750 million a year to "at least $1 billion." That's the second raise in about a year and a half. In 2025 he took it from $330 million to $750 million. At this pace, by 2030 the state will just mail every studio a key to the Capitol.

Let's run the receipt, because somebody has to.

The Los Angeles Times says the move comes "in the face of mounting evidence that producers are fleeing California in search of cheaper locales." Cheaper locales. Not better weather. Not better scenery. Cheaper. The producers looked at California's costs and did what every family in Fresno did years ago. They left. The difference is that when your family leaves, nobody offers you a billion dollars to come back. You get a U-Haul bill and a nice note from the DMV.

Here's the part I love. The new plan would make "above-the-line" talent eligible. Translation for the folks at home: actors, directors and other high-profile production workers. So in a state where activists spent this year pushing a tax on billionaires, the governor wants a billion-dollar tax break that can cover movie-star paychecks. Tax the rich, unless the rich are wearing a cape.

There's more on the menu. A 5 percent bonus for any company that commits to two California productions. Buy one, get a tax break on the other. It's a punch card. The governor of the fourth-largest economy on Earth is running Hollywood like a frozen yogurt shop.

The program would also run through 2040 and set aside $100 million a year for independent films, up $26 million. That's the sequel. Nobody asked for it, it's longer than the original, and you're paying for the tickets.

To be fair, Newsom's office says last year's expansion worked: applications up 82 percent and more than 43,000 cast and crew jobs. Great. Then why does it need a raise already? If my plumber fixed the leak, I wouldn't hand him another $250 million to come back and look at it.

And Newsom isn't done. He's also asking Congress for a federal film credit that can stack on top of the state one. So the plan is: California taxpayers pay studios to stay, then all American taxpayers pay them again for good measure. A guy in Ohio who has never seen a palm tree is about to co-produce a streaming show about a sad divorced detective.

Meanwhile, ordinary Californians keep paying the state's gas taxes, the state's electric bills and the state's rents without a single incentive package. Nobody is offering a 5 percent bonus to a nurse who commits to two more years in Sacramento.

That's the whole business model in one line. If you're a studio, California will pay you to stay. If you're a regular person, California will charge you to stay and wave as you leave.

So congratulations, Hollywood. You threatened to walk, and the state opened its wallet. The rest of us threatened to walk, and we're in Texas.

That's what a billion dollars buys in California now. Not a comeback. A lease renewal.

---
The Demorat is a satire publication. This article is parody and commentary based on real news reports; jokes, exaggerations and fictional elements are not factual claims. Quotes attributed to real people are drawn from published reporting.

The real story that inspired this