Down at the counter this morning, somebody asked me what a governor does in his last two months on the job. In most states, he cleans out his desk. In California, he cleans out death row.

The Washington Post reported Tuesday that Gov. Gavin Newsom is weighing whether to commute all 563 death sentences in the state to life without parole before he leaves office in early January. That's about a quarter of everybody on death row in the entire country. Newsom's office says no decision has been made. Which, in Sacramento, is how they say "the press release is in spell-check."

Now, I want to be fair here, because the coffee's free on Tuesdays and I'm in a generous mood. Nobody has been executed in California in about twenty years. Newsom put a moratorium on executions back in 2019. So in practical terms, these folks aren't going anywhere either way. Which raises the question every regular at this counter asked at once: if nothing changes, why the rush?

Here's the answer, and you can have it with a side of hash browns. The governor has had nearly eight years to do this. According to reporting on his record, he has not commuted a single death sentence in that time. Eight years. You can build a high-speed rail line in that time. Well. You can't in California. But somewhere you could.

Then, with one foot out the door and the other foot pointed at Iowa, he gets the itch. The Post notes Newsom is widely seen as a possible 2028 presidential candidate. A state lawmaker, Assemblymember Nick Schultz, publicly urged him to "cement his legacy." There it is. Not justice. Not the victims' families. Legacy. Cement. That's not a clemency petition, that's a campaign brochure with a parole board attached.

And it's not even all his call. More than half of the cases involve people with more than one felony, and for those, the California Supreme Court has to sign off, with at least four justices agreeing. So the governor wants a sweeping, legacy-defining moment, but first he needs four judges to initial it, like a permission slip for the field trip.

His likely successor, Xavier Becerra, has said he would keep the moratorium going anyway. So Newsom isn't racing a hanging judge. He's racing a guy who agrees with him. That's like sprinting to beat your own brother-in-law to the buffet when he's already told you he's on a diet.

Folks on both sides have real arguments, and I'll leave the moral philosophy to the fellas in the corner booth who argue about everything. But the timing is the joke here. Voters said twice, in 2012 and 2016, that they wanted to keep the death penalty. A governor who wanted to change that had eight years and every podium in Sacramento. Instead he waited until the moving boxes came out.

Mabel, who's been pouring coffee here since the Reagan years, summed it up best. She said a politician who does the big thing on his last day isn't brave. He's just checking out early and leaving the dishes for the next shift.

So that's California for you. Most governors leave a portrait. This one might leave 563 signatures and a forwarding address in New Hampshire.

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The Demorat is a satire publication. This article is parody and commentary based on real news reports; jokes, exaggerations and fictional elements are not factual claims. Quotes attributed to real people are drawn from published reporting.

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