PARIS — The NFL wanted to show France the American way of life on Sunday. France showed the NFL its own, and then closed the gift shop.
The New Orleans Saints and Pittsburgh Steelers are set to play the league's first regular-season game in France at Stade de France, just outside Paris. The plan was beautiful. Football, crêpes, a Terrible Towel waving over the Seine. Then the protests hit. According to the Associated Press and The Guardian, the NFL closed its city-center "NFL House" and pop-up shop ahead of the street protests, a Steelers fan event in the Bastille area was canceled for security reasons, and the Louvre and Musée d'Orsay shut their doors Saturday as police deployed across the city.
So to recap: Americans flew about 4,000 miles to see the Mona Lisa and a two-minute drill, and France said, "Pick zero."
This is the part where I remind you that for 20 years, a certain kind of American progressive has told the rest of us we should be more like France. Free this, guaranteed that, a 35-hour work week and a nap after lunch. Well, here's France. It's a Saturday. The museums are closed, the riot police are open, and the most American thing in the city just got locked up for its own safety. Somebody on the Upper West Side is quietly canceling a "Paris, but make it a lifestyle" Pinterest board.
To be clear, the Saints and Steelers fans did nothing wrong. They did everything right. They bought the jersey, they learned "bonjour," and a few of them learned "excusez-moi" in the context of being kettled. That's culture. That's exchange.
Meet Doug, 63, a made-up retired steelworker from Monroeville who saved for two years for this trip. Doug's itinerary had three items: the Louvre, the Steelers fan party, the game. As of Saturday, the Louvre was closed and the fan party was canceled. Doug is now one for three, which, for a Steelers fan in October, is honestly a rebuilding year he can live with. He's eating a baguette on a bench, wearing a towel as a scarf, and telling a confused French pigeon about Franco Harris.
The NFL's international plan rests on one idea: the world wants our football. Maybe it does. But the league picked the one weekend Paris decided to host a different contact sport, and the other one doesn't have referees.
And here's the cultural lesson nobody in Washington will say out loud. The French version of "affordability politics" is apparently the whole country walking into the street at once. Ours is a press release. Theirs closes the Louvre. Our progressives want the European model. They just want it without Saturday.
Kickoff is on. Players will play, fans will scream, and Doug will finally get one thing on his list. Allez, Steelers. Mind the tear gas.
This article is satire. The Demorat is a parody news site; real facts are drawn from the linked sources, and jokes, invented scenes, and fictional characters are not real.
The real story that inspired this
