I've seen things down in the tunnels. Rats fighting over a single french fry. A raccoon running a shell game with bottle caps. But I have never seen a crowd defend "inclusion" by swinging flagpoles at a woman for wearing a T-shirt.
Friday night was "Fan Appreciation" night at Providence Park in Portland. The Thorns were playing the North Carolina Courage. Somebody forgot to define which fans were getting appreciated.
According to OutKick, about 20 "Save Women's Sports" activists came in wearing XX-XY Athletics shirts. They kept them covered for the whole first half, like smugglers carrying contraband cotton. At the start of the second half they showed the shirts and unfurled a banner reading "Save Women's Sports."
Four words on a banner. Portland reacted like it was a live grenade.
The group says other fans hit them with flagpoles carrying trans flags and threw drinks at them. One man reportedly yelled "F--- you, scum!" on repeat. An OutKick reporter covering the game says he got flipped off, called a Nazi, had his phone knocked out of his hand, and got beer poured down his neck.
Then stadium security restored order. They removed the people in the T-shirts.
Commentator Brandi Kruse says a guard pinned her right arm behind her back and walked her out. She asked why only her group was leaving. Organizer Amy Sousa says a woman using a walker got pushed out the door too. By the group's account, one beer-pourer got the boot and everybody else waving flags stayed for the second half.
So the official stadium threat ranking goes like this: flagpole, fine. Beer shower, mostly fine. Cotton blend with the letters X and Y, get them out of here.
It gets better. Before the banner ever went up, about half a dozen of the activists left on their own because, according to OutKick, they saw fans wearing "Protect Trans Kids" shirts with pictures of knives on them. Those shirts stayed. The knife shirts were apparently on the guest list.
This is the second time Sousa's group has been ejected from Providence Park. In September a smaller group got the treatment, and Sousa says she was called "transphobic" over her clothes. Most people need to do something to get thrown out of a stadium twice. These women only had to get dressed.
OutKick asked the Thorns why the shirt-wearers left and the flag-swingers didn't. No answer. Security said it didn't have time to talk. Busy night. Lots of fans to appreciate.
Remember who pays for this. Families shell out for tickets, parking, and stadium beer, which now apparently doubles as a projectile. They came to watch women play soccer. Security's big save of the night was shielding everyone from a sentence on a shirt.
Washington and Colorado both have measures on the November 3 ballot limiting school sports by biological sex. Kruse lives in Seattle, surrounded by signs she disagrees with. "It's never even crossed my mind to assault someone," she said.
Down here in the tunnels we have a code. You can carry a sign. You can carry a grudge. You leave the flagpole at home.
Thorns fans are famously passionate. Friday proved it. Passionate about the game, passionate about inclusion, and passionate about including a flagpole in your face.
This article is satire from The Demorat. It's based on events reported by OutKick and Fox News and on public statements, and it's written for comedy. Accounts of the confrontation come from attendees and have not been ruled on by police.
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