Every great reality show has the episode where producers realize the cast is getting tense and bring in a surprise guest to lighten the mood. On Tuesday, CNN did it to an entire polling line.
During its Election Day coverage, the network's "Ballot Cam" took viewers to Ann Arbor, Michigan, where a men's glee club serenaded voters waiting in line, according to a clip shared by Townhall. The stated purpose, per the clip: "to calm everyone."
To calm everyone. At a polling place. In a college town. On a Tuesday afternoon.
I have watched every season of every dating show ever made, and I have never seen a cast this coddled. On "The Bachelor," when people are nervous, you get a rose ceremony. On "Love Island," you get a challenge in the pool. In Ann Arbor, you get eight-part harmony while you wait to fill in an oval.
Let's be clear about the stakes here. These voters were standing in a line. Not a war zone. Not a hostage situation. A line. Americans stand in lines at the DMV, the deli counter and the theme park every day without a choir showing up to talk them down. But apparently a Democratic-leaning college town on Election Day needs the full spa package. Next year they'll add cucumber slices and a weighted blanket at check-in.
And it wasn't just the song. Once the music stopped, the camera turned to two singers to explain their votes, which is the confessional booth portion of the episode. One cited "kindness and acceptance for everybody." The other cited Abdul El-Sayed, the Democratic nominee for Senate in Michigan, who is running against Republican Mike Rogers.
So the reveal of the episode was a college glee club in Ann Arbor voting for the Democrat. Hold the front page. Somebody alert the producers, because that twist was so predictable it would get a show canceled after one season.
Now, the singers are college kids doing what college kids do, which is sing loudly in public and assume everyone loves it. I'm not roasting them. I'm roasting the cable news network that looked at the entire United States on its most important day of the year and decided the story was a cappella.
Think about the booking meeting. Somewhere in a CNN control room, a producer said, "We've got races in Pennsylvania, Georgia, Texas and Maine. Where do we go?" And someone else said, "Hear me out. Harmonies." And everyone nodded.
This is the network that spends most of its airtime warning that democracy is in grave danger. Then on Election Day, democracy turns out to be fine, it just needs a little pitch pipe and some emotional support. If the republic is truly on the brink, maybe skip the show tunes. If it isn't, maybe skip the four years of panic.
To be fair, viewers did react. Some loved it. Others said it was the most CNN thing CNN has ever done. Both camps are right, which is a first for cable news.
So that's the season finale. The polls are open, the stakes are high, and the most trusted name in news sent a choir to make sure nobody in Ann Arbor felt anything too strongly.
Stay tuned. After the break, they'll be calming down the exit polls with a ukulele.
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The Demorat is a satire publication. This article is parody and commentary based on real news reports; jokes, exaggerations and fictional elements are not factual claims. Quotes attributed to real people are drawn from published reporting.
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