WASHINGTON — Federal economists announced Wednesday that inflation has officially ended, following an agreement among senior officials to no longer look at prices of any kind.
"When we stopped checking what eggs cost, we noticed an immediate and dramatic improvement in our outlook," said one Treasury spokesperson. "The data is clear, provided you don't look at it."
The new measure, dubbed the Consumer Vibes Index, will replace the Consumer Price Index and is calculated by asking a panel of 12 senior officials how they are feeling on a scale of "fine" to "great." The first reading came in at "really great."
Consumers were encouraged to adopt the same approach at the grocery store by closing their eyes at checkout.
