ST. PAUL, Minn. — Minnesota finally has a fraud watchdog. It just won't be fully awake until September 2027, and it won't get a badge until 2028. Down at the diner, we call that buying a guard dog and asking him to start after the chickens are gone.

Gov. Tim Walz signed the Office of the Inspector General law on May 14. It passed the state Senate 66-0, which in Minnesota is about as rare as a Vikings fan at peace. Everybody agreed fraud was urgent. They just agreed on a 2027 delivery date for urgent.

According to the Minnesota House, an inspector general has to be appointed by Feb. 1, 2027, the office is to be fully operational by Sept. 1, 2027, and a law enforcement bureau with arrest powers can start Jan. 1, 2028. KSTP reported start-up costs of $3 million to $6 million, then $11 million to $12 million a year for about 40 full-time workers, plus a possible $15 million a year if the police bureau happens.

So the plan to stop people from taking taxpayer money will cost taxpayer money. Every year. That's not a watchdog. That's a subscription.

Heidi Heino, the Republican running in Minnesota's Senate District 36, did something the Capitol apparently hadn't gotten around to. She test-drove the law. She ran it against the Feeding Our Future case, where prosecutors say $250 million was stolen from a federally funded child nutrition program during COVID.

Her verdict, to Fox News Digital: "it would have found the fraud eventually, but it's way after the money was already gone."

Eventually. That's the word they'll carve on the tombstone of every state program in America.

Heino pointed to a 2,800% jump in payments to Feeding Our Future from 2020 to 2021. Folks, if the church bake sale went from $100 to $2,900 in one year, Margaret from the potluck committee would have the sheriff on speed dial by Tuesday. Margaret is fictional. The 2,800% is not.

Heino also said about 30 complaints were made to the state Department of Education, and they were mostly overlooked while the group was left to correct itself. Letting the fox guard the henhouse is one thing. Letting the fox file the inspection report on henhouse letterhead is a whole other breakfast.

"Business does a lot with a little," Heino said. "Government does the opposite." She called the new office a good first step, then added, "The OIG has good bones, but it needs teeth."

Good bones and no teeth. In my town, that's a fixer-upper with a mortgage.

And you're the one making the payments. Every Minnesotan who's ever gotten a stern letter from the state over a few bucks has a right to ask how a nonprofit got hundreds of millions with fewer questions than that letter had.

So the guard dog has been bought, named and budgeted. He clocks in in 2027 and gets his badge in 2028. If anybody sees the chickens before then, tell 'em he says hi.

This article is satire. The Demorat is a parody news site; real facts are drawn from the linked sources, and jokes, invented scenes, and fictional characters are not real.

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