Down at the diner Wednesday morning, the coffee was hot, the eggs were runny and the election results made about as much sense as the specials board.
Here's what happened, near as I can figure. Voters in Ohio, North Carolina and Nevada spent Tuesday handing Democrats a big night. Then, on the same ballot, they turned around and wrote photo ID into their state constitutions.
That's like the town picking a new sheriff and, in the same breath, changing the locks on the jail.
The numbers aren't close, either. Ohio's Issue 3 passed 65.3% to 34.7%, with more than 2.9 million people voting yes. North Carolina's amendment passed 59.6% to 40.4%. Nevada's Question 7 passed 62.3% to 37.7%, which matters, because Nevada makes you approve an amendment twice. Voters already said yes in 2024. They said it again, louder, like a waitress who's been asked three times whether the pie's fresh.
Nevada's version now means photo ID to vote in person, and the last four digits of your driver's license or Social Security number to vote by mail. That's about the level of paperwork it takes to rent a leaf blower at the hardware store. Nobody at the hardware store has ever called it suppression. They just want the leaf blower back.
Now, Breitbart noted these passed in states where Democrats cleaned up statewide, and that's the part that's got the counter talking. For years, a lot of folks on the left have treated voter ID like it's a moat with alligators in it. Turns out a whole bunch of their own voters walked right up to the moat, filled out the form and asked if it came with a laminated card.
Ballotpedia counted seven voter ID measures on ballots this year, the most ever. Three passed, three failed, with California's Prop 39, Colorado's Amendment 84 and Arizona's Prop 144 going down. So California, a state still counting Tuesday's ballots, decided it didn't need to check who cast them. You can't make this stuff up, and I'm not allowed to.
My favorite part is the expert take. PolitiFact quoted Chris Cooper of Western Carolina University, who said, "The voter ID amendment doesn't change a single thing about the way elections in North Carolina are conducted. It simply makes it harder to change in the future."
Well, there you go. North Carolina already had it, and now it's bolted down. That's not a new rule. That's a husband nailing the thermostat cover shut.
So the Democrats won the governor's mansions and the Senate seats, and the voters said, congratulations, we'll be checking your wallet on the way in. It's the most American thing I've ever seen. Trust the party with the keys. Don't trust the line at the polling place.
Old Earl at the end of the counter put it best. He said if you need an ID to buy Sudafed, you can show one to pick a senator. Then he paid with a check, showed his license, and nobody's democracy collapsed.
The coffee's still hot. The voters are still voting blue. And they'd like to see some ID before they hand anybody the car keys again.
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The Demorat is a satire publication. This article is parody and commentary based on real news reports; jokes, exaggerations and fictional elements are not factual claims. Quotes attributed to real people are drawn from published reporting.
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