Poland's prime minister promised to restore the rule of law at the country's top court. On Friday night, the rule of law showed up. It was wearing a helmet.
I've covered plenty of court reforms. This is the first one where the president needed a shoulder block to inspect the results.
Here's what's real, per The Guardian, Politico Europe, the BBC and Fox News. Poland's Constitutional Tribunal, which can strike down laws, has been fought over since 2015, when the outgoing centrist government and the incoming Law and Justice (PiS) government both rushed to stack it. European courts later ruled the PiS-era court was no longer an independent tribunal. Prime Minister Donald Tusk, back in power since 2023, responded by having the government stop publishing its rulings.
That's a real power move. Don't like the verdict? Don't print the newspaper.
This year, conservative President Karol Nawrocki refused to swear in five judges elected by Tusk's majority. They took their oaths in parliament instead, and the court's PiS-appointed president, Bogdan Święczkowski, barred them from hearing cases. On Friday, one of the five, Anna Korwin-Piotrowska, ordered Święczkowski and his deputy suspended for a month and announced she was now in charge, citing the longest experience in the judiciary.
So a judge the court wouldn't seat suspended the man who wouldn't seat her, then took his chair. Seniority is a beautiful thing.
Święczkowski called it a coup. His deputy was turned away at the gates, per Politico. Riot police surrounded the building. Hundreds of protesters showed up, three people were detained after climbing the fence, and PiS leader Jarosław Kaczyński tried to force his way inside.
Nawrocki, meanwhile, was flying to a state visit in Senegal. He turned the plane around. Shortly before 1 a.m. Saturday, per The Guardian, video showed the president of Poland tussling with security to get into a government building in his own capital. At 4 a.m. he was still in there.
Tusk's explanation, posted on X: "Restoring the rule of law is our duty... it's a difficult, sometimes painful process that requires decisive action." He's right about painful. Ask the fence.
Justice Minister Waldemar Żurek, who is also the prosecutor general, says the government had nothing to do with it. He has also filed five requests to lift the two suspended judges' immunity, backed by 50 volumes of case files. Nothing to do with it, and 50 volumes about it.
Even law professor Marcin Matczak, who calls Święczkowski the court's worst president, said the suspension had no legal basis "for a million reasons," per the BBC. When the guy who hates your enemy still says you broke the rules, you've invented a new way to lose an argument: winning it.
On the sewer scale, I give Warsaw four rats out of five. One rat for a government that stopped printing the court's rulings. One rat for a president who wouldn't swear in five judges and then had to wrestle his way in to complain about them. One rat for "nothing to do with it" in 50 volumes. And one rat for a ruling that now depends on who gets to the building first. I'm holding the fifth rat until next year's election, when both sides get another shot at the door.
Tusk promised the rule of law would return to the court. It did. It's standing outside in riot gear.
And here's your bill: regular gas averaged $4.18 a gallon on Oct. 31, per AAA, up from $3.04 a year ago, which is also difficult, sometimes painful, and didn't ask your permission either.
This article is satire. The Demorat is a parody news site; real facts are drawn from the linked sources, and jokes, invented scenes, and fictional characters are not real.
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