Case file 10-27, a campaign rally in Lubbock, Texas. I've spent years in the storm drains under West Texas. I've heard tornado sirens. I've heard a high school marching band attempt "Seven Nation Army." I had never heard an opening act read the headliner's deleted setlist out loud.
Here's what the evidence shows.
On Tuesday, Democratic Senate nominee James Talarico held a rally in Lubbock, according to Fox News. Warming up the crowd was Malik Williams, the Democratic candidate for Texas House District 83.
Williams did not ease in. "We can legalize and tax THC and cannabis. We're gonna abolish ICE, we're gonna tax the rich and we're going to get my friend, the next United States senator from the state of Texas, James Talarico, elected!" he told the crowd, to what Fox described as raucous applause.
That's a strong intro. It's just an intro for a different candidate.
Because the man Williams introduced has spent the general election saying the opposite. At a joint CNN and Jubilee town hall, Talarico was asked whether he wants to abolish ICE. "No, and I never have," he said. "We need Immigration and Customs Enforcement in this country."
Detectives call that a clean alibi. Then you check the January tapes.
During a primary debate with Rep. Jasmine Crockett, Talarico said, "It's time to tear down this secret police force and replace it with an agency that actually is going to focus on public safety."
So let's lay out the timeline. In January, tear it down. In the fall, never have. On Tuesday in Lubbock, the opening act brought the January version back like a song the band swore it retired.
I've worked a lot of cases. Usually the witness who blows up the alibi is a stranger. This one was introduced as "my friend."
The numbers explain the nerves. A July YouGov/Economist poll found 48% of Americans support abolishing ICE, with 67% of Republicans strongly opposed, Fox reported. In Texas, a February Texas Politics Project poll had the agency at 42% favorable and 47% unfavorable. That's close enough that a Senate candidate in a state Trump won by double digits has to pick his words carefully. It is apparently not close enough to brief the warmup act.
Picture the campaign staff backstage. Months of message discipline. Ads about the border. Town hall answers rehearsed down to the comma. Then a guy with the microphone and a two-minute slot announces the whole platform the polls told them to stop announcing, and the crowd loves it.
That's the uncomfortable truth the rally accidentally confirmed. The candidate's position is for the voters in the middle. The applause line is for the people in the room.
Williams also pitched more education funding, guaranteed childcare and expanded healthcare. The Talarico campaign did not immediately respond to Fox's request for comment, which is understandable. It's hard to issue a statement while you're still taking the microphone away.
Talarico says he never wanted to abolish ICE. His opening act says they're gonna. Somewhere in Lubbock, a campaign aide is drafting a new rule for future rallies, and it fits on one index card: no more friends.
Case remains open. The rat in the drain is still waiting for the headliner to sing the January song.
The Demorat is satire. This article is a parody based on real news reports and is not meant to be taken as literal fact.
The real story that inspired this
