Albania's prime minister wanted to talk. So on Saturday, Edi Rama set out red cushions around a concrete table outside his office in Tirana as a symbol of dialogue with protesting students. The students did not sit down. They set the cushions on fire.
That's the shortest negotiation in Balkan history, and the cushions lost.
Albania is now on its 12th day of student-led anti-government protests, according to Al Jazeera and the Albanian outlet Nacionale. Students want lower tuition, more state money for schools, and less corruption in the education system. Many in the crowd want Rama, a Socialist who has held the job since 2013, to resign.
Saturday's rally drew thousands, per AFP. Authorities deployed 2,500 police officers to the streets of the capital, Euronews reported. Police used tear gas, water cannon and rubber bullets. The health ministry said 13 people were hurt Saturday, including two journalists. Authorities say more than 300 protesters and police have been injured since mid-October.
So the government brought cushions for the talk and water cannon for the follow-up. Pick a lane, Edi.
Here's the timeline, because Rama's office clearly lost it. Protests began in May over a luxury resort development on the Albanian coast. They grew into anger over corruption and the cost of living. Now some in the crowd are throwing stones at the Ministry of Education, which may be the first time students have ever shown up to that building voluntarily.
Rama's explanation, per AFP: "foreign actors." He also accused Russia and Iran of pushing online misinformation. Nacionale reported he said criminals, radicalized groups and foreign interests had infiltrated the crowds, without providing public evidence.
I've watched leaders on five continents get caught with an angry student body. They always find a foreigner. Never once has the foreigner turned out to be the tuition bill.
He also published photos of about 40 people, identified by their initials, whom he accused of violence, AFP reported. A man who wants dialogue so badly he's posting a wanted poster in alphabet soup.
The students, to their credit, are equal-opportunity. AFP says they chanted "Rama in prison" and "Berisha in prison," the second aimed at longtime opposition leader Sali Berisha. When the only thing the left and the right have managed to unite is the people who hate them both, that's not polarization. That's a customer review.
Picture a fictional Tirana sophomore named Elira, two textbooks short and one exam from failing economics. She looked at a concrete table with sponge seats and asked the only question that matters: who paid for the table? Nobody answered. The table, like the education budget, was not built to hold weight.
On the sewer scale, this rates four rats out of five. Rama earns one rat for the water cannon, one for the foreigners, one for the initials, and one for thinking a cushion can stand in for a budget. The fifth rat stays home. Even rats know better than to sit on that concrete.
Rama put out cushions so the students would talk. They talked. The cushions said nothing back, which makes them the only ones in this government who didn't blame Russia.
And here's your bill: average sticker-price tuition and fees at a U.S. public four-year college hit $11,950 for in-state students in 2025-26, up $340 in one year, per the College Board, and nobody's offering you a cushion either.
This article is satire. The Demorat is a parody news site; real facts are drawn from the linked sources, and jokes, invented scenes, and fictional characters are not real.
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