Police in Papua New Guinea found a 32-kilogram object in a shipping container in Port Moresby. A police report reportedly says it's an undetonated Chinese artillery shell. The Chinese embassy says it's a wine bottle.
I've reviewed a lot of wine on the road. I've never had one that needed the bomb squad to uncork.
Here's what's real, per the BBC, ABC Australia and PNG's The National. The object turned up in a shipping container in the capital. Police and Defence Force explosive ordnance teams rendered it safe. Four Chinese nationals were arrested Friday and remain in custody; police haven't said what, if anything, they've been charged with.
Police Commissioner David Manning called it "a very concerning discovery." Nobody on the bomb team mentioned a corkscrew.
On Tuesday, ABC Australia reported that a finalized police report identifies the object as an undetonated 130mm Chinese Type 59 artillery projectile containing chemical explosives and a fuse. Police examined it with an X-ray machine Australia donated. The BBC says it hasn't independently verified the report.
That same day, the Chinese embassy posted its own tasting notes on Facebook: "According to the company involved and following an on-site verification, the object in question — reported as an 'artillery shell' — is in fact a shell-shaped wine bottle. It poses no danger at all."
So the inspection was done by the company involved. That's letting the guy holding the bag tell customs what's in the bag.
The embassy also offered a legal argument. China, it said, enforces some of the world's strictest firearm laws, so it is "virtually impossible" for an illegal military-grade artillery shell to be smuggled out of China to PNG.
Beautiful logic. It can't have happened, because it's against the rules. By that standard nothing illegal has ever left China, which will be news to every guy selling a "Rolex" for forty bucks on Canal Street.
Facebook commenters weren't buying it either. One asked the obvious question: "What sort of wine bottle weighs 32 kilograms?"
For the record, 32 kilograms is about 70 pounds. A full standard bottle of wine is around three. Either that's a wine bottle holding roughly two dozen bottles of wine, or somebody's uncle has a very serious hobby.
The police report was finalized Tuesday. The embassy apparently finalized its own report the same day, with a different conclusion and no X-ray machine.
On the sewer scale, I give the embassy four rats out of five. It would have been five, but they did resist calling it a decorative paperweight, which shows restraint.
Papua New Guinea now has a 130mm problem and a diplomatic partner insisting it's a 750ml one. China says the matter poses no danger at all. That's probably true now, because PNG's bomb unit already made it safe.
So here's my official review: notes of cordite, a firm fuse, a heavy body, and a finish best enjoyed from about 300 meters away.
And here's your bill: diesel averaged $6.29 a gallon nationally on November 3, per AAA, up $2.61 from a year ago, and that's what the truck hauling your actual wine to the store is paying to bring it home.
This article is satire. The Demorat is a parody news site; real facts are drawn from the linked sources, and jokes, invented scenes, and fictional characters are not real.
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