The votes aren't even counted yet. California is sitting at about 61%. And Democrats are already running for president.

Not next year. Not next month. Wednesday. Before the confetti was swept up. Before the balloons lost their air. Before the hangover kicked in.

The Associated Press put it plainly: "The final midterm votes are still being counted, but make no mistake: The next election season has already begun." That's like a guy proposing at his own divorce hearing.

Start with Cory Booker, who gave a victory speech Tuesday night that AP said "left little doubt about his intentions." His words: "America, tonight is the start of our comeback, baby." The man has more than $20 million sitting in his federal campaign account. That's not a comeback. That's a down payment.

Then there's Josh Shapiro. On CBS Wednesday morning, Gayle King asked if he wanted to announce for 2028. Shapiro laughed and said, "I want to answer all your other questions, Gayle." Translation: yes. That's the most "yes" a "no" has ever sounded. That's a man who already picked out the Iowa jacket.

Kamala Harris told the AP she wants to play a role in the party's direction, "whether I'm in office or not." That's what you say when you want to be in office. Nobody who's happily out of office talks like a hostage reading a statement.

Arizona Sen. Mark Kelly and Kentucky Gov. Andy Beshear have already had preliminary conversations with potential presidential campaign staff, per AP. Preliminary conversations. That's politician for "the staff is already hired and the logo is in a drawer."

Rahm Emanuel, who AP says spent much of the past year laying the groundwork for a run, said, "Don't worry about the next election. There's a time and a season. And right now is the governing time." Sir, you have spent a year building a campaign. You are the season.

Down in Georgia, The Washington Post noticed that with Keisha Lance Bottoms in place to appoint a successor, Jon Ossoff and Raphael Warnock are "clear to chase the White House in 2028." Ossoff, for the record, has said he has "zero interest" in running. Zero. Write that down. That number has a long and proud history of growing.

And the progressives are ready too. After Abdul El-Sayed's win in Michigan, PCCC co-founder Adam Green said, "This changes the 2028 presidential race." It's been about 24 hours. The guy hasn't been sworn in. He hasn't found the Senate bathroom. And he's already a 2028 storyline.

Meanwhile, the voters who handed them this win were promised one thing: lower costs. Groceries. Gas. Rent. The whole thing. And the first thing the winners' circle did was start shopping for an election two years away.

The first presidential primary votes are a little more than a year off. Your grocery bill is due Friday.

So congratulations, Democrats. You won the midterms. You took the House. You took the Senate. And you started the 2028 primary before California finished counting the 2026 ballots, which, at six hours a day, might actually make it a tie.

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The Demorat is a satire publication. This article is parody and commentary based on real news reports; jokes, exaggerations and fictional elements are not factual claims. Quotes attributed to real people are drawn from published reporting.

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