ATLANTA — This is not a drill. Repeat, this is not a drill: somebody filled out a New York voter registration form, and the mailing address was a courthouse in Georgia.
Stay calm. Do not stay calm. Here is what we know.
Fulton County District Attorney Fani Willis, the woman who spent years prosecuting Donald Trump over the 2020 election, told WSB-TV's Mark Winne that someone registered her to vote in New York. As a Republican. Living in Trump Tower. On Fifth Avenue. In her words: "they registered me as a Republican that lived in Trump Tower, of all places."
Of all places. Folks, if you're keeping score at home, the most famous election case in Georgia history now has a sequel, and the sequel is a prank form.
Officials say the application had a false birth date, the wrong party and a signature Willis says was forged. The New York City Board of Elections smelled something, sent her a notice that the registration was being canceled for suspected fraud, and canceled it. The board says no vote was ever cast under it. Willis says she is relieved. Willis's office is now in touch with a New York prosecutor about possible charges. Nobody has been named. Nobody has been charged. Everybody please stop running.
But we cannot stop running, because of the mailing address.
The form listed her home as Trump Tower and her mail as the Fulton County Courthouse. Picture it. Somewhere a mail carrier with a sore back is holding a New York voter card addressed to a Georgia prosecutor at her own office, wondering if this is a test. It is. It's a test of whether anybody reads anything. Thank God, a clerk in New York read something.
Let's sit with the full shape of this, if your heart rate allows. For four years, the message from Willis's side of the aisle was that election paperwork is sacred, that a form is not a joke, and that anyone who messes with one deserves the full weight of the law. That part is true, and she'd be right to want the person found. The comedy is who got hit. The prosecutor of the most famous election case in America got a surprise party from the election system, complete with a fake birthday.
Meet Debbie, 58, a made-up poll worker in Queens who has never once been surprised by anything. Debbie read the news, took a long sip of coffee and said, "Trump Tower? Honey, I've seen people register at a Dunkin'." Then she checked her own registration three times. Then she checked her husband's. Then she checked the dog's, just in case.
The good news, per the board: anyone trying to actually vote with that registration would have needed ID or proof of residence. So the safeguards held. The system worked. Somewhere, a Democrat is drafting a statement about how voter ID is a burden, and the cursor is just blinking.
ALERT. ALERT. Final update: Willis says she wants no confusion about her eligibility to vote in Georgia. Message received. She lives in Georgia. Trump Tower would like everyone to know it has never once received her mail.
Ten days to the election. Check your registration. Check it twice. And if it says Fifth Avenue, ask yourself one question: do you own a gold elevator?
This article is satire. The Demorat is a parody news site; real facts are drawn from the linked sources, and jokes, invented scenes, and fictional characters are not real.
The real story that inspired this
