Kamala Harris looked at a Democratic wave won on grocery prices and decided the country needed a word. Not "eggs." Not "gas." Ruthless.
"The American people have elected Democrats across the country in federal, state, and local races who must be ruthless in using every lever of power to deliver economic relief for working families and hold this administration accountable for their deep-seated corruption," Harris wrote Wednesday on X, according to Fox News.
That's the whole pitch. Win the House. Win the Senate. Promise cheaper food. Then announce you're going to be ruthless. About "levers." The last time working families heard "every lever of power," somebody in Washington was explaining why their electric bill went up for their own good.
She opened the same post by saying Americans were "done with the corruption, incompetence, and callousness coming from the White House." Strong words from the 2024 nominee whose party just spent two years telling those same Americans they were imagining the receipt.
Voters said they wanted affordability. Harris heard "accountability." That's Washington for: we will form a committee, print a subpoena, and somehow you will still be paying for both.
Hillary Clinton heard the same election and declared victory over a calendar. "The post-Trump era begins now," she wrote Wednesday on X, per Fox News.
Now. Not in 2029. Not after the next inauguration. Now. Trump is still president. The era she buried is still in office, still has a veto pen, and still has two years on the lease. That's not a political strategy. That's a séance with better stationery.
Clinton also wrote that Americans made "a clear call for accountability and affordability," then spent the rest of the post on wounds, harms, and "crimes against our people and our Constitution" that "must be answered for." Affordability got the opening clause. The rest of the essay went to the chase scene.
She lost to Trump in 2016. She has now outlived two Democratic presidential tickets and one very long book tour, and her first move after a midterm win is to announce that history is over. History called. It's still on the clock until January 2029.
Then there's Bill Clinton, who issued a statement asking Democrats to rebuild trust "with humility and determination, and an open hand, not a clenched fist, to those who didn't vote for our candidates."
An open hand. From the same party whose last presidential nominee just told them to be ruthless with every lever. The family meeting must have been something. One Clinton wants a handshake. The other Clinton wants a tribunal. Harris wants both, plus economic relief, plus a word she found in a superhero movie.
Bill at least named the boring stuff voters actually mentioned: cost of living, health care, "ending senseless wars and tariffs that drive up prices," and the national debt. That's the list they ran on. That's the list that disappears the second somebody finds a camera and a sharper adjective.
Here's the tell. Democrats told the country they heard the supermarket. Then the party's most famous names posted like they heard a courtroom. Ruthless. Accountable. Post-Trump. Open hand. Clenched fist. Not one price. Not one gallon. Not one cart.
If this is the post-Trump era, it started the same way the last one did: with a press release, a grudge, and a working family still waiting for the part about the groceries.
The Demorat is a satire publication. This article is parody and commentary based on real news reports; jokes, exaggerations and fictional elements are not factual claims. Quotes attributed to real people are drawn from published reporting.
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