WICHITA, Kan. — Adam Hamilton wants every voter in Kansas to know he is not Chuck Schumer's guy. Chuck Schumer's super PAC is paying about $5 million to help him say it.
Hamilton, the Democratic nominee against Republican Sen. Roger Marshall, has said again and again that he would not support Schumer as Democratic leader. Senate Majority PAC, the super PAC run by Schumer allies, took the rejection the way any dumped ex would. It bought TV time.
The group launched a $5 million statewide ad blitz this month that runs through Election Day, according to Politico and The New York Times. That's not a breakup. That's an ex who keeps paying your phone bill.
And the $5 million is just the opening bid. Through Oct. 24, outside groups had spent about $36.3 million helping Hamilton or hitting Marshall, versus about $12.4 million going the other way, according to FEC data tallied by PaidForPolitics. AdImpact, as cited by Fox News, puts national Democrats plus Hamilton's own campaign at $38 million in the race.
Thirty-eight million dollars to elect a man who promises not to listen to the people spending it. Washington calls that a long shot. Kansas calls it a dowry.
Federal law requires fairness here, so: Hamilton can't take super PAC money directly or coordinate with it. He just has to stand very still while it's spent on him. Like a mannequin in the window of a store he swears he's never been inside.
Hamilton isn't only running from Schumer. In September he told MS NOW that Kamala Harris should stay out of his race. "Please do not come to my state. I do not need you here. You would actually hurt me," he said.
So here's the guest list for national Democrats in Kansas. Kamala Harris: not welcome. Chuck Schumer: not welcome. Chuck Schumer's money: come on in, wipe your feet, the remote's on the couch.
Marshall isn't buying the distance. "Look, if he's going to denounce Chuck Schumer, let's denounce him with his money as well," he told Fox News Digital. He also claimed Republicans would be "outspent five to one," which is his math, not ours. The FEC tally has outside money closer to three to one, which in Kansas still counts as getting run over by a combine.
At their final debate, Hamilton complained that Marshall had mentioned Schumer "maybe 20 times so far." Twenty is a lot. Kansas voters have sat through more Schumer-funded ads than that during one episode of "Wheel of Fortune."
You're trying to figure out the grocery bill, and a voice from a Washington super PAC breaks in to remind you how much Washington cares about your grocery bill. The PAC paid for the ad. You paid for the groceries. Only one of you got thanked.
Hamilton has outraised Marshall by more than two to one, according to FEC filings. His spokesman says Hamilton "will always put Kansas first." Sure. Kansas first. Schumer's checkbook a close second. Kamala Harris, somewhere around 47th, just behind the Wichita weather radar.
Kansas hasn't elected a Democrat to the U.S. Senate since 1932. Back then, a candidate who wanted distance from Washington simply skipped the train. Now he stands in front of $38 million in Washington-funded TV and calls it independence.
Adam Hamilton is not Chuck Schumer's guy. He's made that perfectly clear. Chuck Schumer just spent $5 million making sure nobody in Kansas misses the message.
This article is satire. The Demorat is a parody news site; real facts are drawn from the linked sources, and jokes, invented scenes, and fictional characters are not real.
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