A recent Fox News poll found that 48% of Americans ages 18 to 34 view socialism favorably, compared with 32% of Americans overall. Fox News Digital then went to the University of Michigan in Ann Arbor and asked more than a dozen students to define it.
They got more than a dozen definitions. At least a dozen other students declined to be interviewed on camera because, Fox reported, they said they did not know enough about socialism to give an informed answer.
Everyone is treating this as a scandal. I am treating it as the single most responsible thing a college student has done since the invention of the keg.
Let me be contrarian, which is my job and also my personality.
First, the twelve who walked away. A young person was offered a camera, a microphone and the chance to explain an economic system, and said, in effect, no thank you, I haven't read enough. In 2026. In America. That is not ignorance. That is humility, a quality so rare on a college campus it should be studied by the biology department.
Compare them to the adults. Half the people on cable news cannot define socialism either. They just say it louder and get paid.
Second, the students who did answer. One said it's where resources are "allocated into public services such as housing, affordable housing, food like food banks, education." Another called it "a concept in politics where everybody gets a little bit of everything." A third offered "less social goods are delivered by the market than in capitalism."
Critics say these answers don't match. I say that's the most accurate description of socialism ever recorded. Ask a hundred socialists what socialism is and you get a hundred answers, a reading group and a schism by Thursday. These students aren't confused. They're historically accurate.
Third, the poll. A separate CNBC/Generation Lab survey in August found about half of 18-to-34-year-olds view democratic socialism positively. So we now have two polls confirming that half of young people like a thing that, by Fox's count, a dozen of them refused to explain on camera. Everyone is horrified. Nobody is surprised. This is the least shocking statistic since "most people prefer weekends."
Fourth, the politicians. In Michigan's Senate race, Republicans keep tying Democratic nominee Abdul El-Sayed to socialism, and El-Sayed keeps rejecting the label. So the one man in the state you'd most expect to want the word won't take it, and the students who like it can't spell it out. Socialism in Michigan currently has more fans than owners.
Vice President JD Vance said in July: "Does the socialism thing scare me? Yes. Is it the wrong solution? Yes." He added that socialism is the alternative if young people don't believe the American dream is attainable. That is a Republican saying the problem is the rent. I disagree with him too, mostly on principle.
And finally, you. You're reading this smugly, assuming you could define socialism on camera in Ann Arbor. You couldn't. You'd say "Venezuela" and then "the post office" and then ask if this is going to be on TV.
The kids who admitted they didn't know enough are the only ones in this story who should be allowed near a ballot. Everyone else, including Fox, the pollsters, the candidates, the vice president, and especially you, should sit down and read a book. Not that one. A different one.
The Demorat is a satire and parody publication. This article is comedic commentary based on real news reports; jokes, exaggerations and fictional elements are intended as satire and should not be taken as factual reporting.
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