Everyone is wrong about this, as usual, and that includes you, reader, who already has an opinion about impeachment and is about to be told it's the wrong one.

Here's the news. Two of the most famous Democrats alive, Hillary Clinton and Kamala Harris, both of whom have personally run against Donald Trump for president, have independently arrived at the same strategy for dealing with him: don't impeach him. Just investigate him. And everyone near him. For as long as it takes.

Clinton laid it out last week on her podcast, in a conversation with Kara Swisher. "I am against impeaching Donald Trump because I think it's a sideshow and he can't get convicted," she said, "but I am in favor of opening impeachment investigations into some of the elected officials or the appointed officials." She named Pentagon chief Pete Hegseth as a starting point.

Then Harris went on Aaron Parnas's show this week and agreed. "I think that going in the direction of impeachment is not a good idea," she said, according to Fox News and Mediaite, "because we have limited resources and I think the energy and the resources need to be put into accountability, need to be put into investigations." She added that the votes aren't there and that Democrats need to be "ruthless."

The left is furious. The right is laughing. Both are missing the point, which is the Crow's job to find.

Consider the phrase "limited resources." This is a party that has spent the better part of a decade investigating Donald Trump, and the conclusion of its two most senior losers is that the problem was not enough investigating. Impeachment, you see, is a sideshow. Investigations are the main show. The main show just happens to also be the sideshow, held in a smaller room, with more lawyers and no ending.

Notice what's been quietly thrown out: the idea of beating Trump. Clinton tried that in 2016. Harris tried it in 2024. Neither worked, so the new plan skips the voting part and goes straight to the paperwork. It's not a strategy. It's a hobby with subpoena power.

And Trump, naturally, couldn't resist weighing in. He warned Democrats against impeaching Hegseth, Newsmax reported. So now you have the president arguing against impeachment, Hillary arguing against impeachment, and Kamala arguing against impeachment. Washington finally found bipartisan consensus, and it's on the one thing nobody was actually going to get done.

The contrarian take nobody wants: Clinton and Harris are being perfectly honest. They aren't promising to remove anyone. They're promising to keep everyone busy. Limited resources, unlimited hearings. It's the most Democratic idea ever spoken out loud. You can't run the clock out on a president if you never start the clock.

So go ahead, reader. Cheer, groan, or post an angry thread. The Crow already knows how this ends. There will be no impeachment. There will be investigations, then investigations into the investigations, then a podcast about the investigations, hosted by the two people who suggested them.

Ruthless. Just not in any direction that finishes anything.

This article is satire. The Demorat is a parody news site; real facts are drawn from the linked sources, and jokes, invented scenes, and fictional characters are not real.

The real story that inspired this