Ethiopia's prime minister has found a way to make his cabinet accountable. He sent it to boot camp.
I've watched governments try a lot of reforms. This is the first one where the performance review comes with a drill sergeant.
Here's what's real, per the BBC, The Abay Times and Zegabi. Prime Minister Abiy Ahmed posted photos Saturday of himself doing military exercises with cabinet ministers, deputy ministers and heads of government institutions at the Hurso military training centre. Among them, per the BBC: the Speaker of the House of Federation, the finance minister and the health minister. The Abay Times reports they were all in matching khaki uniforms.
Nobody has said when the training started or how long it lasts. So it has no start date, no end date and no stated budget. Finally, a military program that runs exactly like a government program.
Abiy explained the thinking in a post titled, per The Abay Times, "Leadership with all-round readiness for all-round prosperity." He wrote that Ethiopia's ambitions require leaders who are physically fit, morally strong and intellectually capable, and that the military teaches discipline, patriotism, teamwork and accountability.
Then he delivered the line of the weekend: "Soldiers have targets while civilians have goals. The objective of both is victory."
I've read that sentence nine times. It's a motivational poster that got lost on its way to a dentist's office.
Let's be clear about what the drill is for. The BBC reports Ethiopia is dealing with continued fighting in parts of Tigray, conflict in Amhara, insecurity in Oromia and rising tensions with neighboring Eritrea. The country has four security problems, and the prime minister's response was to give the finance minister a uniform.
That's the oldest move in politics. When the real problems are hard, schedule a photo shoot that looks like work. In Washington they cut a ribbon. In Addis Ababa they do it in khaki.
To be fair, the format has promise. Imagine it here. Congress runs a mile before every spending vote. Committee hearings switch to push-ups, one per million dollars requested. The Senate would be in the best shape in human history by February, and the bill would still pass.
Abiy says the training will help officials "keep promises made to citizens," per The Abay Times. That's a big ask for a fitness program. Most governments can't keep promises with an army, a treasury and a printing press. Ethiopia is trying it with jumping jacks.
On the sewer scale, I give Hurso two rats out of five. One rat for a training course with no start date, no end date and no stated cost. One rat for answering four security crises with a cabinet photo shoot. I'm holding the other three until someone tells me what the finance minister's targets are, and whether they're the same as the goals.
The cabinet went to boot camp to learn accountability. Their first lesson: nobody's told them when they get to go home.
And here's your bill: diesel averaged $6.30 a gallon on Nov. 1, per AAA, up from $3.69 a year ago, and the trucks that haul your groceries don't get matching uniforms, just matching receipts.
This article is satire. The Demorat is a parody news site; real facts are drawn from the linked sources, and jokes, invented scenes, and fictional characters are not real.
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