PORTSMOUTH, N.H. — Down at the diner where I take my eggs, we've got a fella named Earl who reads the weather off his knee. Saturday, Earl's knee said a storm was coming. Turned out it was just Kamala Harris, blowing through the Seacoast with a list of feelings.

The former vice president stopped in Portsmouth to fire up volunteers for New Hampshire Democrats, including U.S. Senate candidate Chris Pappas, ten days before the Nov. 3 midterms. WMUR caught the speech, and I'm going to read you the opening the way you'd read a menu, slow, so you can savor it.

"So for the last year and a half, we have been pissed," Harris said. "We've been depressed. We've been angry. We've been frustrated. We've been feeling alone, hopeless, powerless."

Now, I counted. That's seven. Seven feelings. Most folks around here only got two, and one of 'em is "hungry." Harris rattled off seven like she was reading back a diner order for a table of grumpy uncles. Pissed, side of depressed, angry over easy, frustrated with a short stack of hopeless.

Then came the turn. Per WMUR, Harris told the crowd, "This is that moment where the people get to speak, and the people show their power," and she added, "that is so darn exciting."

So, to sum up the Democratic weather report: eighteen months of gloom, followed by a sudden warm front. Excitement, effective immediately. You'd think a fella would need a minute between "hopeless" and "so darn exciting," but no. In politics, you can go from the funeral home to the county fair in one paragraph if there's an election in ten days.

Folks, I've seen this before. Every fall, the furnace salesman comes by and tells you how cold you've been. You didn't know you were cold. You were fine. Now you're freezing, and he's got a brochure. Harris walked into Portsmouth, told a room of Democrats exactly how miserable they've been, and then offered herself as the thermostat.

WMUR noted that she also thanked the volunteers, saying, "The power is with the people. Ten days to go. Let's win this thing." InDepthNH reported she also dropped by a phone bank in Manchester with Pappas, House candidate Stefany Shaheen, and gubernatorial candidate Cinde Warmington. So she did the feelings tour in two cities. Efficient. Up here we respect a woman who can make two stops on one tank of gas.

And of course, WMUR mentioned the visit "automatically sparks talk of 2028." One volunteer told the station there's "going to be a lot of great candidates who will hop in this race." Ma'am, that's what they say at the church potluck when the casserole's not very good. "Oh, there'll be lots of dishes."

Here's the thing a diner teaches you. Nobody comes in and announces how they feel. They order. They pay. They tip if the coffee was hot. If Democrats had spent the last year and a half working on the price of the coffee instead of cataloging how mad they were about it, they might not need a former vice president to come tell them they've been sad.

Earl's knee says the storm passes by Nov. 4. Earl's knee has been right on every election since Dukakis.

This article is satire. The Demorat is a parody news site; real facts are drawn from the linked sources, and jokes, invented scenes, and fictional characters are not real.

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