WASHINGTON — Rep. Ro Khanna of California has released the Democratic Party's first legislative agenda designed from the ground up to accomplish nothing, and as an accountant, I have to say the efficiency is impressive.
It started Thursday, when Hawaii Sen. Brian Schatz, who would be the No. 2 Senate Democrat if his party wins the chamber, told CNN's "The Arena" that Democrats should not "propose things that the president of the United States is guaranteed to veto." He called it "a bit of wasted energy" and said bold policy changes are "for 2028," according to Common Dreams.
Khanna heard "guaranteed to veto" and thought: finally, a guarantee.
Late Friday he posted his plan on X. Eight lines. Each one begins with the same three words. I have reproduced it here, because a ledger should always show its work:
"Make him veto Medicare for All. Make him veto a $25 living wage. Make him veto free childcare. Make him veto Block the Bombs to Israel. Make him veto zero aid to Israel. Make him veto free college. Make him veto erasing student loans. Make him veto taxes on billionaires."
Let's run the numbers.
Line items proposed: eight. Line items Khanna expects to become law: zero. That is a 0% success rate, which in my line of work we call "the plan." Most bills fail by accident. These fail on purpose. That's not a legislative agenda. That's a pre-written apology.
Line one, Medicare for All. Past independent estimates, from the Urban Institute and the Mercatus Center, put it above $30 trillion over ten years. That's a lot of money to spend on a press release.
Line two, a $25 living wage. The federal minimum is $7.25. Khanna would more than triple it, which is the kind of raise I've only seen on a restaurant menu in Manhattan.
Line seven, erasing student loans. Americans owe roughly $1.6 trillion in federal student debt. Khanna wants to forgive it in a bill that cannot pass, which is the same thing as forgiving it, emotionally.
Then there's the cost of the paper. A bill printed, debated, voted on, mailed to the White House, and vetoed costs staff time, floor time, and printer toner, all billed to the taxpayer. The receipt for a Khanna Congress would be eight vetoes, two years, and a gift shop selling "I Made Him Veto It" mugs.
Meanwhile, one Saturday headline had progressives readying a "scorched-earth blitz" if Democrats win the midterms. So the party now has two plans. Schatz wants to do a little. Khanna wants to fail a lot. Somewhere a Democratic voter is looking at both and wondering which one lowers the price of eggs. Neither, ma'am. Neither one has eggs on the list.
Here's the beauty of the Khanna model. You can't miss a target you've promised to miss. No bill becomes law, so no bill can go wrong, so no one can ever ask what it actually cost. It's the only spending plan in Washington with a perfect audit, because there's nothing to audit.
Schatz says save it for 2028. Khanna says waste it now. As your accountant, I'll note both men have agreed on one thing: whatever Democrats promise you, delivery is scheduled for some other year.
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This article is satire. The Demorat is a parody news site; real facts are drawn from the linked sources, and jokes, invented scenes, and fictional characters are not real.
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