California Gov. Gavin Newsom has a new campaign strategy for 2028: announce that the people who want his job are going to win.
In a video released Monday by Townhall, a young voter at a mid-October New Hampshire campaign stop told Newsom she didn't want Kamala Harris and wanted "more, I guess, democratic socialist policies." Newsom didn't flinch. He didn't change the subject. He did what he does best, which is agree with whoever is standing closest to him.
"So the DSA, the energy and the desire and demand for bold change, not incremental change, is very much going to be dominant," Newsom said. "I mean, that's going to be a mainstream democratic movement. Absolutely. No question about that."
No question about that. The man has spent seven years as governor of the state with some of the highest gas prices in America, and the one thing he's certain of is that the next guy should be more expensive.
He went further. "The system's broken," Newsom said. "It's completely unbalanced, and we can't manage the decline. We have to completely reimagine."
Gavin, buddy. You ARE the system. You've been running it since 2019. That's like the chef walking out of the kitchen, tasting the soup, and announcing the restaurant needs new management. You can't manage the decline? Sir, you were the manager. Your name is on the decline. The decline has your hair gel on it.
This is the same Gavin Newsom who launched a podcast to talk to conservatives, then dressed his press office up like a Trump meme account, and now tells an undercover voter that democratic socialists will run the party. He's not a politician, he's a mood ring with a French Laundry reservation. Larry O'Connor on Townhall's show called him a "Machiavellian chameleon," which is unfair to chameleons, who at least pick a color for the whole afternoon.
And look at the timing. A New York Times/Siena poll released Saturday has Harris at 12 percent among possible 2028 Democrats, Newsom at 9, Pete Buttigieg at 7, and Alexandria Ocasio-Cortez at 6. The leader, at 45 percent, is "Don't know." So Newsom is losing to Kamala and a shrug, and his plan is to tell the socialists they're already in charge, hoping they'll forget to nominate an actual socialist.
Meanwhile DSA activists at the recent Socialism Conference were handing out "DSA for AOC" fliers pointing to a petition site. The petition, per Townhall, has 1,673 signatures. Newsom just told a stranger that the movement with 1,673 signatures is the future of his party. That's not a movement. That's a Costco on a Tuesday.
Here's what "bold change, not incremental change" means at your kitchen table: incremental is your electric bill going up a little. Bold is your electric bill going up a lot, with a land acknowledgment at the bottom.
Newsom said nobody is arguing to "manage the status quo and fail more efficiently." Correct. He's arguing to fail with more energy. Absolutely. No question about that.
This article is satire. The Demorat is a parody news site; real facts are drawn from the linked sources, and jokes, invented scenes, and fictional characters are not real.
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