Case file 10-30-B. Subject: a law with the answer printed right on the label.
I've been in the tunnels a long time. I've seen things down here that would turn your whiskers white. I once watched a rat buy a "Lifetime Warranty" umbrella from a man by the subway stairs. It lasted one block.
But I have never seen a product confess like this.
On Thursday's broadcast of MS NOW's "The Weeknight," Virginia Gov. Abigail Spanberger explained what happened to the Affordable Care Act in her state after federal subsidies went away, according to Breitbart.
"We had over 100,000 Virginians roll off of ACA after the loss of the federal subsidies," she said, "because they couldn't afford it anymore."
Read that slowly. I did. Three times. With a flashlight.
The Affordable Care Act. Over 100,000 people. Couldn't afford it.
That's not a policy outcome. That's a product recall. If a company sold the Waterproof Jacket and 100,000 customers came home soaked, nobody would call the jacket a success. They'd call a lawyer.
The governor did not call a lawyer. She called it an example.
"And so, at the state level, we're setting an example of what happens when you elect good, Democratic leadership," Spanberger said.
Here is the example. "We created a state subsidy program meant to bridge that gap."
So the plan is this. The Affordable Care Act needed a subsidy to be affordable. The subsidy went away. Now the state has a subsidy for the gap where the subsidy used to be. It's subsidies all the way down. I've seen tunnels with fewer layers.
The governor said that "about 200,000 Virginians will see potential hundreds of dollars of savings if they come back to the ACA marketplace."
Potential. Hundreds. If.
I've heard that sentence before. It's the same one the umbrella man used.
Let's be fair to the governor. She's right that people left because of price. That's honest. It's just the kind of honesty you usually hear from a restaurant owner explaining why nobody orders the Bargain Platter anymore.
Somewhere in Virginia there's a regular guy. Let's call him Dale. Dale works, Dale pays premiums, and Dale's taxes fund the federal subsidy, the state subsidy, and probably the TV studio where everyone discussed the subsidy. Dale did not get invited to "The Weeknight." Dale is still trying to find his deductible.
I asked the rat in the evidence locker if he'd ever been on the ACA marketplace. He said no. Down here, health care is a guy named Sal with a bottle of rubbing alcohol and a strong opinion about tetanus. But he said at least Sal's price is on the bottle.
That's the thing about naming a law. You get one shot at the label. Washington picked "Affordable." Virginia just put the price tag next to it.
Case remains open. I've filed a request to rename it the Affordable If Someone Else Pays Care Act. The umbrella man says he'll print the signs, potentially, for hundreds of dollars.
The Demorat is satire. This article is a parody based on real news reports and is not meant to be taken as literal fact.
The real story that inspired this
