Michael Bloomberg, a man worth more than most countries' navies, put nearly $36 million more into Democratic campaigns this week, Politico reported Friday. The party that wants to tax billionaires has found its ideal billionaire: one who prepays.

That's on top of the $80 million he announced the week before. Total for the cycle, by the Daily Beast's count: more than $100 million. Remy Rattigan has seen smaller GDPs. He's dated smaller GDPs.

Here's the receipt, per Politico and Yahoo News. $16 million to House Majority PAC, the super PAC aligned with Democratic leadership. $12 million to Everytown for Gun Safety, the group Bloomberg co-founded, for House races. $2.5 million to Keisha Lance Bottoms for Georgia governor. $750,000 to Gina Hinojosa in Texas. $2.5 million to James Talarico's Senate race. $2 million to Adam Hamilton in Kansas.

Read that list again. That's not a donation. That's a grocery run where every aisle is a swing district.

Now remember what the party's been selling all year. Billionaires are the problem. Big money is ruining democracy. Get the rich out of politics. Then the richest guy in the room walks in with a nine-figure check and the whole caucus suddenly remembers it has to take this call.

Bloomberg's adviser Howard Wolfson explained the strategy to Politico: "When the wind is at your back, you want to put more boats in the water." Beautiful line. Very nautical. Most Americans can't afford a boat. They can barely afford the water.

House Majority PAC President Mike Smith said the late money "makes it harder for the other side to respond effectively." Translation: we waited until the last week so nobody could talk back. That's not a campaign. That's a dad winning an argument by leaving for the airport.

And the targets. Colorado. Florida. Nebraska. Iowa. Michigan. Pennsylvania. Wisconsin. A former New York City mayor is now buying TV ads in Iowa's 1st, 2nd and 3rd Districts to explain to farmers what's good for them. Farmers love that. They love it the way they love hail.

Meanwhile the voter Bloomberg's ads are aimed at is filling a tank at a little over four dollars a gallon, paying $28,000 a year for family health coverage, and getting a mailer every afternoon from a PAC funded by one man who could personally cover all of it out of couch money.

Here's the thing nobody on that side will say out loud. They don't hate billionaires. They hate billionaires who give to the other team. Bloomberg's money isn't dark money. It's tasteful money. It went to Johns Hopkins.

So when Democrats take the stage Wednesday morning to celebrate a people-powered grassroots victory, give them credit. It really was powered by people. Specifically, one person. Eighty-four years old, roughly $116 million into one midterm, and still the only grassroots movement in America with a private jet.

The Demorat is a satire publication. This article is a comedy roast built on real reported events; jokes, exaggerations and fictional characters are not real news.

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